How to grow thick skin but remain a non-shitty person
Al Capone aka “Scarface” once greatly said,
Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness
And while I might not be one of the most infamous American mobsters of all time, I am what people generally regard as a nice person. Now there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being nice but it fucking grinds my gears how society equates “nice” to “push-over” or “weak”.
All my life, people who know me tend to describe me as “sweet” or “kind-hearted”. I fully embrace these qualities and being warm and optimistic are almost second nature to me. These traits are defining characteristics of mine and while they prove to be advantageous in most cases, there are certain times where they aren’t.
I’m guilty of being a coward — or at least the old me was. I hated being on negative terms with people. This led to me placing my personal opinions and feelings on the back burner to maintain equilibrium with others. I was a textbook push-over and this eventually turned to a lot of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Perhaps it was an increase in confidence or maybe a more secure identity, but one day I realized that I couldn’t tolerate people’s bullshit to the expense of my integrity anymore. No more “kum ba yah” around the fire and “why can’t we be friends” bullshit.
I didn’t want to be a nice chick, I wanted to be a nice AND badass one.
This doesn’t entail doing a 180 degree turn and becoming a complete dick. This means developing thick skin and increasing the fire within you while being understanding of the world around you. This means finding the sweet spot between nice and strong, kind and powerful, loving and vigorous. Or alternatively, redefining concepts so that nice is strong, kind is powerful, loving is vigorous. Only then will you reach the crème de la crème of your authentic self. Fuck the trade-offs regarding internal values.
So how exactly do we retain and practice these “nice” qualities without coming off as a weak ass b*tch?
1. Don’t fear confrontation
Fuck being passive. Don’t take any shit from people. But remain the bigger person and be respectful. If people treat you poorly or unjustly — stand up for yourself. Letting things slide will only allow negative feelings to accumulate inside of you. This leads to a negative feedback loop where you feel bad about letting people step over you and before you know it, shit hits the fan. Keep your cool and voice your honest opinions.
2. Stop taking things too personally
Honestly no one sets out to hurt you (unless they’re some sort of psychopath or go by the name of Donald Trump). Sometimes people do things without considering the repercussions of their actions and you end up as collateral damage. At the end of the day, everyone is just trying to live their best lives in the ways they deem best. Don’t cause unnecessary drama and just let people be themselves. Focus on yourself and you’ll be golden.
3. Accept that not everyone is going to like you
That’s just the way life is. You can’t please everyone. Your quirks and edges are going to be annoying to some but appealing to others. Stop giving a damn about what other people think and divert your attention to people who do genuinely fuck with you. There’s a saying that goes “your vibe attracts your tribe” so just do you boo boo.
These 3 ideas are crucial in order to be a kind and strong person, but you must also know how to control your emotions. You could be the most emotional and sensitive person out there — but if you take the time to understand your feelings and realize where they are coming from, you’re able to manage your responses in the best possible manner.
To all my fellow nice persons out there, I commend you. Let’s reinvent what it means to be nice and show the world what we fucking got.